A Heartbroken Devil
by RealmOMFG
Summary: Madoka Magica Sadfic: Homura Akemi reflects on her actions after having 'made Madoka hers.' "How did things get to be this way? Why did I let things get to be this way? "


Beautiful. Gentle. Caring. Kind.

All of these were things one could use to describe the love of my life. Madoka Kaname. Once upon a time, a wondrous goddess who spread hope to the hearts of magical girls. She'd take away their despair and free them from their dreadful fate; a fate in which their soul gems no longer shone, and a grief seed hatched into a witch. She was no longer the girl I'd grown to know and love. No longer the precious little Madoka I'd traveled through time over and over again to save. Of course, even as a goddess she was beautiful and kind. She hadn't changed in those regards. But she wasn't any longer a girl in which I could protect. She wasn't my little Madoka Kaname. I couldn't see her. I couldn't feel her. I couldn't be with her.

The incubators may have made it seem as if we were together once more for a short time. Oh what a wonderful time it was. Though eventually I allowed myself to be overcome by my despair. It's only natural of course. It's something each and every magical girl can look forward to eventually. Of course, Madoka had come to save me; she'd come to save me from my despair. Madoka Kaname, as the law of cycles, had reached out to me and beckoned me to take hold of her hand. Her soft, gentle hands. She wanted to take me away.

Had she succeeded, what might our lives be like now? Would we have been together? Would things have gone back to normal? Would I then have been able to finally see her again? My Madoka, my actual goddess Madoka in the cosmic flesh? Might I have been able to touch her once more… To hold her… Would she have been mine? We'll never know. After all, I ripped her from the heavens.

Love is a powerful thing. It enveloped my heart, and I was taken over by desire and need. A desire and need that I couldn't ignore. I desired Madoka. I needed Madoka. She was going to be mine. She didn't have a choice.

Well, the universe doesn't fair quite well after having it's goddess literally torn from it by my hands. A new universe was born from my desire. A new universe with new rules. I was reborn as a being of evil. I suppose it's only natural, I'd be the polar opposite of her. Whereas when she was born a goddess, I'd be reborn a devil. My new title aside, there were plenty of differences between this new universe and the old. But only one difference really matters. Madoka could now be mine. No, she was mine.

She was now mine and mine alone.

I could do with her as I pleased, could I not? Yes… Yes I definitely could. After all, she was no longer a concept. No longer a goddess forever with me but out of my reach. No longer was she so close but yet so far. Her pretty pink hair, her soft pleasant skin, her sparkling pink eyes. Oh how I love those beautiful eyes of hers. They're the sort of beauty one might want to frame and hang up on their wall. Oh, I'd never actually do that though. I'd never hurt a hair on my precious one's head.

"Madoka, my love?"

She looks up at me from where she sat. Her eyes look up at me, her gorgeous pleading eyes. That's a beautiful expression she wears. It's a look that only I've ever seen, and a look that nobody else will ever get to see. On her face, she wears an expression of pure unfiltered emotion. She's doesn't seem quite as afraid anymore, after all she's been here for a few months now. I remember quite clearly the face she made when she first woke up here. It's a face I'll never ever forget. The raw feeling behind that face was absolutely wonderful. The fear in her eyes, it sent shivers down my spine. Just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

I gaze down at my beloved, and gently stroke her cheek. My touch is careful and loving. I know she doesn't love it as much as I do, but I'm too overcome with my love and greed to care. Her skin is warm to the touch, touching her, my dearest darling Madoka never ceases to put me at ease and make me smile. It's a wonderful thing, truly it is. Now that she's mine I can touch her whenever I please. At first she'd struggle whenever I attempted to caress her petite little body, but I believe now she's given up trying.

Part of me is saddened to see her this way. Part of me misses the days I was able to look at her and see the joy in her eyes. That joy has now since faded into looks of heartache and hopelessness. But by god if having her all to myself isn't worth it.

"Madoka, I love you." I speak this with utmost sincerity, after all, I do completely mean it. I love this girl truly and deeply. Though as deep as my love for her might be, I know she probably doesn't feel the same. It's quite alright, I wouldn't expect any different. Though sometimes I do think to myself… It'd be really nice to hear her say 'I love you too.' Maybe just once.

I breath a small sigh, and kneel down in front of my beloved. "C-could you… S-say you love me too…?"

She just looks at me. She doesn't respond, of course she doesn't. She hasn't said a word to me in what seems like forever. It makes me rather sad, really. But what else would I possibly expect? I couldn't think she'd even consider-

"I love you too Homura-chan…"

What? I look at her, surely there was a look of utter disbelief on my face. Her expression hadn't changed a bit. It was just a bleak and saddening as it's been since I decided to make her mine. I knew she didn't mean it. Maybe she just said it cause she thought I'd let her go if she did? Or maybe she was too broken to care? I knew she didn't mean it but..I cried.

Right then and there, I slumped over and bawled like a newborn. I clung to Madoka's motionless body and cried. Streams of salty tears fell from my eyes, and to the cold ground down below. Did Madoka do anything? Did she say something? Did she move? No of course she didn't.

Why did my heart feel like it'd split? If I still had a soul gem, surely it'd have been completely engulfed in blackness. But I was already as broken as I could possibly be. No witch could even dream of being as torn apart as I.

How did things get to be this way? Why did I let things get to be this way?

Why?


End file.
